Baby on the Brain and the Two Week Wait

7 Jan

My very first nanny gig, I loved the girls I watched.  BUT when the oldest suddenly turned into a teenager, I thought, “Nope. Never.”  I still stopped to coo and smile at little ones in restaurants and grocery stores, but while I worked with a teenage girl with an absent mother I thought that my life would involve children ONLY in a professional capacity.

Then I decided it was time to work full time. In order to do that as a nanny, you have to work with very young children.  It’s very easy to fall in love with baby-faced toddlers that need your help to do everything.  That particular household was far from healthy; the parents were absent (they even had weekend nannies WHILE THEY WERE HOME) and I was the one that primarily raised him, for a year.  I began to resent most of the decisions they made, since they didn’t know their own child, and think of how I would do it myself.  I had a moment of epiphany: I could do this mom thing.  I also want to put my money where my mouth is, and see if I CAN do it better then my previous boss’ (not that the bench is set very high with them).

That’s when Baby on the Brain started.  At first it was a little pull at the back of my thoughts.  Eventually it led to a discussion with my husband, who had thought I never wanted children.  He had his own Baby on the Brain going on every time he played with our friends’ kid;  but he was unsure of our ability and whether or not we should change our lifestyle.  Issues that I was also grappling with.  Statistically, most people with children are unhappy.  But we determined that the pros outweighed the cons, and that perhaps children would make us happy.

With these thoughts in mind, we set a time table.  Our circumstances (mostly debt) needed to change before we were willing to take on such a responsibility.  When that started to move in our favor, Baby on the Brain took over all my thoughts.

For the past few months, I’ve been perseverating on everything babies: conception diets, fertility aids, birthing options, other peoples’ birthing stories and videos (full on gore, even while eating dinner!), methods on rearing children, what school district to move to, etc.  Image

In the past month or so, I have managed to bring up something about babies in EVERY conversation, most likely to the chagrin of everyone around me… especially my husband! I don’t even get respite at night.  I dream about being pregnant, or already having a child every single night.

We are now in the middle of our first “Two Week Wait” for me to be able to pee on a stick.Image The week has felt like a year.  Additionally, my boobs hurt, I’ve been sensitive to sounds, felt nauseous, gotten headaches, etc.  But this is my first month without ANY hormone in the last 9 years.  I don’t even know if (and doubt that) my cycle will even resemble a normal 28-day cycle.  All the symptoms of early pregnancy are THE SAME as premenstrual syndrom to boot.  Dear Mother Nature, that is a cruelty.

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